My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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