I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i will never coherently bang her
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize