i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize