That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
BRING THE BAGELS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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