So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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