I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize