saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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