Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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