Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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