Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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