Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
