Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
