we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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