i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There's even glitter on my cock...
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