Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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