The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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