last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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