Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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