My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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