I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
how drunk are you?
Several
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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