yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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