If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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