i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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