IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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