Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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