Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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