Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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