I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
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It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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