dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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