Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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