Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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