when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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