I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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