bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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