Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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