is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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