He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize