I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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