So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize