i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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