What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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