dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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