I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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