You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize