Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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