I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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