First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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