we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize