Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize