Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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