bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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